Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about a former University mate. Back then, those of us who had a less developed class consciousness would laugh at him. I don’t remember the exact words he used, but it went somewhat like this:
If you’re not a leftist, then you’re alienated, and that’s not up for debate.
— Leonardo Mota
The past of this blog
These days I say, jokingly, that I’m a “recovering reactionary”. That’s hyperbole, obviously, because I still maintain that I have never actually been a reactionary. But I have been a right-wing poor person.
The fact remains, though, that on several occasions in the past I stood for opinions that would be considered as “right-wing”. You don’t even need to track back that far in this very blog’s older posts to verify that (to my shame).
But, as much as I’m ashamed of the stupidity I once poured here, I do not have any intention of deleting anything. To say it in a more straightforward way, I’d delete anything that goes beyond pure stupidity and into immorality. But, that I’m aware of, I have never writted anything of the sort. I did write some very stupid things, like supporting the coup of 2016, for example. But never something immoral.
The reason why I don’t want to delete those older posts is that they are a reminder. They help me value the process I’ve been through and that made me revisit many points of view.
Impeachment and decadence
Ironically, I’d say that the Coup of 2016 started this whole process. Before that I already had difficulty finding ways to justify criticism of the Workers Party government (mental gymnastics to defend the indefensable, looking back in retrospect). It was a seed that finally took root when Temer fused the Science and Technology Ministry with Communications. And, indeed, it could be argued that is started a little bit before that, when a certain parasite made a homage to a torturer.
From that point forward, the country as a whole entered in a process of total collapse that was kickstarted by Eduardo Cunha, when he posted some “bombshell agendas” to Congress, with the intention of sabotaging Dilma’s government. I consider myself lucky, having managed to move on with life after Temer took office. I started understanding claims and protests that I had heard long before, which finally started resonating in my mind and started making sense. After finding better sources of information, inevitably my class consciousness finally started flourishing.
Living in Germany and seeing Brazil from the outside helped a lot, too. This change of perspective finally opened my eyes and I saw myself agreeing a lot more with leftist opinions than the other way around.
New eyes, same people
During that process, I started seeing people with other eyes. People I always agreed with suddenly started sounding backwards and rough. People I was moved away from suddenly started making a lot more sense.
I rekindled my connection to people I had turned my back to, exactly because they shared leftist opinions. I un-blocked several people, and got closer with a lot of good people.
Coming back to Brazil, in the middle of the heat of 2018’s elections, I dove into USP’s movement for democracy. I felt relief when I finally opened up (and was welcomed by) an assembly when I told my story from “PSDB voter” (a center-right party) to “left-pathic”.
There were, also, disappointments. People I knew and liked showing that they still didn’t understand what was (is!!!) at stake. People that claimed to think of the “average citizen” (actually using a much more xenophobic term), and who argued that they were “impartial” because of that. Like it’s possible to exist any kind of impartiality between fascism and democracy. And, even after Bucephalus was elected and really showed who he was, those people still maintained these moronic opinions.
I’m talking about “anti-PT-ism” (it’s a brazilian slang denoting an irrational hatred for the Workers Party).
This stain in brazilian public life will take a long time to close (if at all). And, sadly, the campaign against them was vastly successful. For certain people, there are no limits to what can or should be done to prevent the Workers Party from returning to power. Which is, to say the least, tragic, because the lives of all those people got better between 2002 and 2016.
Popping the Bubble
That snapped something in me, almost literally a bubble being popped. I started getting closer to the right people (no pun intended). Especially those I almost didn’t see because of the whole “social network” dynamic of today. These days people’s lives are almost completely dominated by “algorithms”. They create ressonance chambers where only similar opinions enter, discouraging critical thinking. Evolution emerges frm the interaction of divergent entities, however that doesn’t happen in social networks. I had already noticed that, on a subconscious level, when I decided to delete my Facebook account.
Sadly (or maybe not so much), that’s not for free. As I mentioned before, some people I was close to slowly let their masks fall off. My objective is not to get inside another bubble, but from some of those people it’s just more viable to get away from.
At first, it was a slow process. I endeavoured to talk, to try to understand, to have empathy. But as time went along the past four years, it got tougher. Mainly for those who have decent conditions to actually get decent information, all justification to support the Asshole was demolished. There’s nothing left, except for bile, grudge, repression and hate.
I tried to do my part, and succeeded, to a point. “Vote turning” is not just for today, but for the past four years. A lot of talking, awareness-raising, arguing, every tactic not to convince to “switch sides”, but to perceive reality. And reality speaks for itself.
Getting rid of the rotten parts
Lately, my focus has been on something else. “Getting rid” might not be the proper expression. I’d rather say that I’ve been filtering people from my own intimacy and acquaintanceship. I have no intention of interacting with someone who, at this point, still supports this individual. It’s not easy, I must say. I live in fear of finding out someone in that situation. In some cases I might be persuaded to have an even bigger tolerance threshold, but my confidence in those people is very strong. I honestly don’t know how I would react to finding out how certain very close people would vote. But I do have hope.
The most recent occurrence is what led me to write this text. Two people that disappointed me, but didn’t really surprise me. In High School I went to an elite school, thanks to a scholarship. Needless to say, at that place almost everyone was from a rich (filthy rich in some cases) family. It was no surprise, really, when two of those people came to an Instagram post of mine with hashtags for the Jackass. With other people from that particular slice of my life, maybe it’s a different situation, but it’s hard to discern. I don’t go around asking who people will vote for (at least in part because of fear of disappointment).
It’s really depressing that in Brazil, 2022, a thing like that has any chance in the polls.
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